If I Only Had a Blog

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the other day i was making a list of things/activities/experiences that bring me joy. the list was relatively short, as my life is relatively simple these days.

but, the item that stood out as particularly strange, yet the producer of quite a bit of glee, was antiques roadshow. i get so excited when i realize i'm going to catch that show. i clap my hands a little and then run to the refrigerator for a nice refreshing diet coke, then run back and plop down on the couch completely satisfied. all it is is a bunch of people with southern accents bringing out old dishes and paintings and saying "i have no idea what this is worth." but, its a joyful half hour for me.

kari is...

making her home into a spiritual spa. it already feels like one. but, she just wants to feel bathed in light and cleansing water when she's there. the watchword for all decor will be "sanctuary."

knowing what we want

reflecting on my new living situation is reaffirming my belief that the universe provides if we are clear about what we want. whether we call it the power of prayer or the law of attraction, i'm not sure the term matters much. but, when i knew it was time for me to move, a friend of mine had me make a list of everything i wanted in a new apartment. of course, i've done this with most of my apartment searches, but more as a way to compare one place with another. never before had i made a list of "must-haves."

"lots of light. a one bedroom. a kitchen i can stand to be in. and parking would be nice," is what i said, "all within my price range."

"no parking wouldn't be nice. you want to absolutely have parking, right?" she asked.

"right."

as i began my search and found that 13 of the 14 apartments in my price range were studios, i started to feel like my wants were a little far fetched. so, i hustled to get the one bedroom.

now, however, as i look at my living situation i find i was lead to the apartment that provided EVERYTHING on my list. initially parking was a dismal situation. but, the apartment that fit all my needs happens to be a block away from the home of a couple i know who have a 3 car garage and only 1 car. so, there you go, parking!  and a parking situation such that i won't have to clean snow off my car or deal with any tickets.

yes, clarity is good. and so is advocacy for what you want.

patience

apparently i'm supposed to learn patience. my search for those CDs i wanted to hear yesterday turned up nothing. so, i decided to download them from iTunes. now, after having done so, i find out i'm not allowed to put them on an audio CD. why? i don't know. it's weird. all i do know is my iPod is at home and my wireless connection there isn't stable enough for me to download a whole series of CDs. so, patience, apparently is the lesson.

yesterday i did listen to a CD by a woman named byron katie. she went through a period of physical blindness, which has since been corrected. reflecting on the experience she said, "whenever i ran into a wall, it would just let me know i needed to turn right or left. i never met a wall i didn't love." i like that sentiment.

randomness

its about time for one of those blog entries that are full of random thoughts... those things you kind of want to tell somebody, but aren't really, eh, worth a phone call:

1. i think i currently live in my favorite apartment (at least my favorite in 5 years). there's not one unsightly nook or cranny; nothing that makes me cringe.

2. about once a night i wake up wondering where the hell i am.

3. a friend and i met some extremely bold birds at starbucks today.  they literally sat on our table and begged for pieces of my friend's rice krispie treat. then fought over them once he gave in to their pleading.

4. i've gone to 2 yoga classes this week and look forward to my next one on tuesday. my legs hurt though.

5. i think i do a lot of hard work when i'm asleep. sometimes when i wake up in the middle of the night i am acutely aware that i've been processing an experience from earlier in my life. also, i sometimes wake up in the morning with an otherwise inexplicable desire to process a thought or read a certain book.  this morning i woke up with one word in my mind, related to a series of talks a friend referred to me a month ago. i rolled my eyes when it was first suggested and said, "ummm. yeah. okay, i'll check that out. (not)." but this morning my spirit was telling me i HAD to find that CD and listen to it TODAY.  (too bad i've misplaced it.)

6. i wonder if people think i'm weird when i blog about things like dreams and my subconscious and spirit. i just find it all fascinating and hope it doesn't freak people out.

Day Off

Tomorrow I have all day to get myself to a yoga class... four opportunities I believe and zero excuses. Let's see how I do.

:)

there's also nothing like a going-out-of-business sale at linens 'n things to put a major spring in your step. i ran around that store yesterday comparing every cool-colored "bed in a bag" set i could find. and i bought floor pillows to match.  now i just need a shower curtain (metropolis grey, please) and some houseplants.

and my co-worker is listening to dub qawalli which is making me think of valentine's day.

:(

welllll... i thought my monday night commitment would fall through tonight so i could go hang with little ms. sunshine, a close friend who is visiting town. but, no such luck.

i think i've blogged about how nice my weekend was twice already. i guess its my way of processing the soaring heights of my mood. i'm not super duper duper happy... but i've pleasantly got a little spring in my step. and i've realized why:

good friends

awhile back 95% of my close female friends left chicago for other cities. can we say exodus? one by one they all moved away, starting with two significant departures in 2003 and then a surge in 2006 and 2007. 

this weekend one of those friends came back for a visit and i've been able to see her almost every day.  she's a faux cousin, of which i have 3 others in this area. so i got together with all my faux cousins after fireworks on thursday night for catch-up, friday morning for brunch and tennis which turned into a whole day of sauntering through a small portion of boys' town, and then sunday's bbq/bacci ball tourney/movie night. all of this activity with people to whom i feel a substantial connection has done wonders to propel me into a good mood.

i have two reflections. first, its just nice to know there's a little niche in the world where i truly feel i belong. in lieu of a nuclear family of my own, a family of close friends is a pretty good thing.  we were able to go from surface catch up to crying from laughter to crying from heartache and trust that all of it was okay. i just wish little ms. sunshine wasn't leaving town again tomorrow.

second, i do have to be strong on my own... anyway, i think the exodus of girlfriends has lead me to where i am now - learning to totally trust myself. yes, i need people. but, i also have strong knowledge of me. i just have to trust it more.

making connections

two years ago i met a guy in a bar. we had a rather lengthy chat as far as conversations with strangers go. we talked about where each of us was from, how we were experiencing chicago and i'm sure some mention was made of our creative processes. that's pretty standard fare for the sensitive artistic-type. days later mutual friends suggested that they should hook us up. "ummm... you were talking with him for a REALLY long time," they said as they raised their eyebrows up and down and smiled. but, at the time i didn't see that as criteria for being set up and so i believe i declined their offer. or said i'd get back to them and never did. or somehow i conveyed a lack of interest (and probably an abundance of trepidation.)

two days ago i met the same guy through the same mutual friends. and i found him to be absolutely delightful, kind, funny and... solidly in a long term relationship. i was kicking myself for not paying more attention when i had the opportunity.

i find myself missing opportunities like that periodically. the reasons vary:  lame excuses, pre-conceived notions blocking my way, like "well, it's a bar. one of us is drinking and one of us isn't" type stuff, and sometimes i'm just purely not paying attention.  

anyway this past weekend's experience refreshed me. it showed me that there are some really nice people out in the world and that my own sphere is quite limited.  so, i'm looking for opportunities to widen my circle of friends and acquaintances. any suggestions? what would you do if you wanted to meet more people in the city of chicago?

high times

welllll... i saw a copy of "high times" for the first time in a long time yesterday. no, its not my normal reading material. nor does its overt meaning have much significance in my life. but, as a title for this entry it's more exciting, more intriguing than highlights.

so, the high times of this weekend include:

1. brunch at the north coast cafe.

2. spectating a game of tennis played by some really nice and really funny friends and acquaintances.

3. celebrating independence day with really good thai food.

4. caribbean fest and rice and beans, plaintains, buying incense and an obama t-shirt and seeing gregory isaacs live.

5. family day (see post today)

6. a good balance of care for my inner self and social self.